Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Learning To Let Go

This year, my husband and I will be celebrating our tenth year of marriage together. While we are still happy and very much in love, things have not always been easy. In fact, it has been very hard at times. I am sure that all marriages are like that. Nothing truly meaningful in life is without challenges. It fighting and overcoming these challenges that make life so satisfying.

Still, sometimes you can be fighting for the wrong things. Sometimes you maybe made a mistake and are so afraid of failing that you stick with it instead of trying to let it go, admit you were wrong, and move forward. When you know you have truly given your heart and soul and did everything you can to keep it together, there is no shame in admitting that it's just not meant to be. In fact, there is quite a strength and a freedom in that.

I know too many people that stayed in bad situations for too long, thinking that they just needed to work harder, give more of themselves, deal with the unhappiness. That is not the case. If you find yourself in a situation like that, it is perfectly acceptable to think of your own well-being and mental health and to take the steps necessary to take care of yourself.

And, when relationships get that way, it is not just harmful to you and your happiness, it affects your partner as well. Being with someone who is not happy being with you can be very psychologically damaging. And if there are children, it affects them also.

A lot of people "stay together for the kids", but if you are unhappy, kids can sense it. If you are being passive aggressive toward their other parent, it can give them an unfair prejudice against their parent, or make them feel bad about themselves (for being like that parent). Not to mention if you are actually getting into dramatic arguments or something; those can be very traumatizing.

Whatever the reason, if you are in a marriage that is no longer happy, healthy, and safe, it is time to think about letting it go. Of course that is sad to think about. Of course it is something not to be taken lightly, but if you are considering divorce, it would definitely be beneficial to get some information about it.

In fact, I've looked in to a local marital & family law practice, just to have a resource in case someone I know should be struggling with this situation again. (I've known a few amazing women who have been in DV situations.) But Quinn & Lynch, P.A. handles more than just divorce, they handle domestic violence, child custody, child support, visitation, and more.

If you feel like any of these situations might apply to you, don't just "deal with it". It's okay to admit to yourself (and each other) that things have changed or that you want to at least consider the options. Talk to someone together. Just do something. Pretending that there is not a problem is no way to fix a problem.

Which brings me back to domestic violence. If you are in a situation like that, please, seek help. I have been there. I know it is not easy. I know you feel like you can't do it or you are still in love or whatever else you tell yourself. But it is unsafe and you do deserve better and you can get out and you can be happy. Put yourself first. Love yourself. Take care of yourself. But get help if you need it. Help is out there. You don't have to do it alone.

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