Monday, August 10, 2020

Investing In Me

My last post talked quite a bit about self confidence issues and working to build up my self esteem. One way I have been doing that (for well over a year now) is by working on my weight. I have been doing Keto and technically fasting to an extent, but it is mostly only because how how much I choose to eat and what time I prefer to eat at.

I am not a planner, at all! I am very disorganized in all aspects of my life. I hate counting and measuring and tracking. That is what has caused me to fail at other fitness goals in the past. I could probably see faster results with those methods, but my whole goal is not to let my life revolve around my weight, and I think by making things that strict, I would be causing it to be "a thing" that makes it seem suffocating, setting me up to fail.

Lately, I have been considering supplementing my efforts. While I have seen(painfully slow, but still meaningful) results, I can tell that my body shape has been changed by my children, diet, and lifetime lack of fitness. Even if or when I reach my goal on the scale, I can see that my body will not take the shape I want. I have lose skin and lumps and bumps. I never got the "pregnant" fat belly, it was always "busted biscuits".

So, I have been researching plastic surgery. I have actually always considered plastic surgery, even back into my teens. The only real factor that kept me from actively considering it was the cost. However, we are more stable financially than we have been in the past, and I am starting to realize that sometimes you need to make an investment in yourself.

I tend to feel selfish when I consider "wasting" money on myself, especially on something that can be argued is not a need. It is still hard to not feel bad about it, but I have started to realize that mental health can be as important as (or even more important than) physical health. This is something that will help me immensely with my body image and my concept of self worth.

I have even considered how this can be a positive for my family as well. I will look more appealing to my husband. If I possess more self confidence, I will set a much better example for my daughter (and my soon, too, really) on loving yourself. Thankfully, she is extremely confident so far, in spite of my terrible example. But as she gets older, I want to be a help to her, not a hindrance.

So anyway, I have been looking into who might me the best plastic surgeon for me. I was particularly looking into liposuction, but in doing so I found that one of the most reputable facial plastic surgeons around is actually very close to where I live. And the offer cheek reduction. My facial fat is one of the areas I still haven't seen the results I was aiming for.

I still haven't nailed down exactly what I will have done, but I love that I have a solid starting point and I have something to look forward to. I like feeling like I deserve to do things for myself sometimes. I like being excited, and I am. 

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